I love days like today when I am just home, relaxed, and able to watch my girl as she plays and grows and learns. She is such a delightful baby, and I don't get endless hours to languish in her littleness any more, so I have to soak up my little munchkin when I can! My sweet friend Aidan and her sister came to visit today, and Norah got extra lovin' which is never turned down.
Sister is developing a sense of humor, and it's hilarious to listen to her shriek and giggle and entertain herself with her own vocal chords. She is like her mama, and already has lots to say!
We had Norah's 4 month check up last week, and she is now about 28" tall, weighs 16 lbs 14 oz, and is in the 99th% for height and 92nd% for weight. She's a growing girl, and everything looks exactly like it should! She's doing all the right developmental tasks on track, and she's probably a bit ahead of the curve in some areas. I am so proud!
This week at work has been a challenge in many ways, and I'm struggling a bit to find a comfortable place now that I'm a full time working mama. There have been days since coming back that I've wondered what in the world I was thinking entering such a field, where day in and day out, children and their families are affected unfairly by circumstances most often totally out of their control. I have a whole blog post written out in which I examine my feelings on the matter, and who knows if I will end up actually posting it, but writing it has at least made me think about how I want to approach my work life. More importantly, I think it makes me realize how I want to approach my life at home - I literally try to soak her up through my pores and breathe her in and keep the sense of security I feel when she's safe in my arms. I know the world awaits her, and she will not always be safe, and she may not always be healthy, and she will certainly experience emotional upheavals, but for right now I have her and she's perfect, and what is within my control is to love her and do my best to provide the things that she needs and to teach her to be a compassionate human being. Sometimes that feels like a huge task, but I know that as long as I do my best in each moment, the moments will string together and turn into the foundation for teaching her about who she can become.
I've been told by several coworkers and friends in the past few weeks that I seem to be handling the return to work gracefully, that I don't look like a zombie, that I seem to have found a positive work-life balance so quickly. I can assure you that while it is wonderful to hear these things, it's not exactly a mirror image of the way I feel about it. It's going to be a bit of a struggle to evolve into this phase of my life, and I'm just grateful for the support and love from those around me. Because to be honest, there are more days than I'd like to admit that I went to work without showering, and perhaps without deodorant. I've dropped Norah off with Grandpa in her overnight soaked diaper rather than wake her up at home to change it before leaving the house, because we were already late. The other day I brought all of my pump supplies, except I forgot the tops to the bottles for the milk...good thing I work in a hospital where such things are always around! Obviously, I'm still working this whole "working mama" thing out, but one thing I know is that this sweet face makes it totally, completely, worth it.