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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Confessions of a Zumba Mama (PSA: Pee before you Zumba)

Tonight may have included my most embarrassing moment in quite some time, and frankly I'm not sure anyone but me even knew what happened...does it still count as a most embarrassing moment if no one even saw?  In case it doesn't I figured I might as well, so of course why not bare it all on the internet, right? Well, the title probably says all you need know, but I'll carry on and enlighten you anyway (if you'd prefer not to hear the details feel free to sit this one out).

It's the second week of summer session for Zumba. It's been in the 90s both weeks, (tomorrow's forecasted high is 104...bloody hell) and class is held in an old school building without A/C.   I am in a different building this summer, with new keys, security entrance codes, light keys, blah blah blah. I show up 5 min before class tonight after busting through traffic to get there, and at least half the students are already there waiting outside, looking super duper thrilled.  I can't get the exterior keypad to unlock the door, my hands are shaking and I'm feeling guiltier and more inadequate as the seconds tick by and all my paying students just want is to go inside and take a damn Zumba class. I finally get it unlocked (ummm can we say user error, doy) and we head inside. I then can't figure out how to turn on the lights, and the wood floors were revarnished two weeks ago and the gym still smells like toxic ass. Super.

I finally get the lights on, the doors open for a breeze, and music ready to go. We start warming up (in case people weren't already sweating from waiting outside in the 90 degree heat for my lame ass to show up and let them in). The third song has quite a spunky beat and includes some scissor jumps. WELP FOLKS IT TURNS OUT THAT AFTER HAVING A BABY YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY PEE BEFORE DOING ANY SORT OF JUMPING. I found that one out...the hard way. Yes. I peed my pants in front of 30 Red & Ed Zumba students. I just kept on going, hoping if it actually went down my legs people might just think it was a lot of sweat. Oh my gawd.  It actually crossed my mind during class that maybe I should look into getting a pack of those super light adult liners for people with incontinence for my Zumba nights, because really wouldn't it be more dignified to just wear a damn diaper than actually pee your pants and worry about whether people would notice it running down your legs?  Or maybe I could just not be running late every week, and actually pee before class.  Now there's a thought.

And, before I go on in my recently sleep-deprived state (Norah's had Roseola this week, sleep is a thing of the past, and hopefully the near future) and say anything more embarrassing than that, I believe I shall call it a night. :)


  1. Title should read: PEE BEFORE READING! As one of those paying students who just wanted to go inside and take a damn Zumba class, I was literally LOLing at my desk at work… I can honestly say that I think no one noticed your.. ahem.. incident… :) And you know, PEE happens! If you get there late, but have to pee… just go pee. We are all adults and we have all been there, believe you me… (Can you imagine what goes on with the bodies of all 30 of us in your class…?!?! I perish the thought!)

    I am sure now you are kicking yourself for ever sharing this link with me… No worries, your secret is safe with me. However, I know EXACTLY which song you are talking about since those scissor jumps are likely my least favorite of all we do. (I’m sure it has to do with the being-so-dang-fat factor.) However, next time I hear it… I won’t be able to keep myself from giggling… just a little... :)

    See ya next Wednesday!

  2. Haha, Janet I thought of you when I wrote this, because I knew you had the link to the blog...yes, well now you know how dysfunctional my inner thoughts can be ;) And how in need of kegels...welp there goes that! See you next week - hope you had a good 4th!