Sleep Progress, and Some Thoughts on Weaning

Most of you who know us, or read this blog at all, know that Norah has never been a super sleeper. It was expected and reasonable in the early months when she was up nursing several times a night. I even expected to wake up and nurse once or maaaaybe twice for the length of time I nursed her, which I had thought would be at least until she was 12 months, and it was seeming like it would probably be more like 18 months by the time I was really ready to wean her myself.


Well...sister had other plans. For the past few months we've been struggling to get her to spend more of the night in her own crib, because we had become increasingly aware that she just wasn't sleeping well between us anymore. We loved (still do!) having her there with us at night, but we started to realize that none of us was getting good sleep together anymore. She tossed, she turned, she woke and "nursed" which usually ended with biting me, she woke up fully sometimes and wanted to play, pinch faces/arms, kicked us in the sides, rolled about and generally wreaked havoc on our peaceful (ha) sleeping space.  Needless to say, the nights were the opposite of restful, for all three of us.

So, we started to reign in the bedtime routine, stuck to a bedtime give or take 20 minutes or so, and the beginning stretch of the night was getting better. But then, the waking started. She would wake anywhere from 2-4 times between 11 PM and 5 AM, and it was time to make some more changes.

One night last week, after being asleep only about 2 hours, she woke up around 10:30 and just would.not.fall.back.asleep. We rocked, we sang songs, we read a book, we swayed back and forth, Matt took over and we thought maybe she had a tummy ache/earache/teething...so we brought her into our bed to cuddle and hopefully sleep. She cried and carried on there, too, and then, stopped, looked back and forth between us, as if to see if we were paying attention, and started up again! We realized that she was absolutely playing us, and it was decided that it was time to dig in our heels and try to let her "cry it out".

Now, you all probably know how much I HATED the idea of letting her cry. It felt against all of the knowledge I have about child development, attachment, nighttime parenting, and mama intuition, and yet, I felt as though all of the things that did feel right just were not working for Norah. So, Matt and I looked each other in the eyes, said we were in it together, and would stick it out, and that we loved each other and loved her and this was the right thing to do. I took her to her crib, laid her down with a hug and kiss, and went to sit in the chair in her room while she worked it out.

And. She. Screamed. and Screamed. I occasionally reminded her that I was there, I loved her, and would try to pat her or give her hugs, but she was ever-loving pissed and none of my soothing helped any at that point. For an hour and 15 minutes, she screamed, until she dissolved into a pathetic lump of hiccuping exhaustion in the corner of her crib. That was the moment in the whole debacle when I finally cried, because I felt so terrible that I had just let her go through that in order to fall asleep.  I tiptoed out of the room, and she slept from about midnight until 3 am, and then we started the whole thing all over. It was a long night.

But the next night went slightly better, and the night after that was better still. The past 3 nights, she has slept in her own crib without any wake-ups from 8ish-5ish! I'd call that progress! There are still occasionally times she will wake up and cry out once or twice, but she settles herself quickly and is out again before we would even go in.  As much as I hate that this was the way we had to do it and I still hate any minutes she has to cry without us there comforting her, her sleep and ours is so much better now than it has ever been.

The other thing is that just prior to this decision, Norah weaned herself entirely. She just stopped wanting to nurse, during the day, during the night, at bedtime. If I offered, she bit me, and hard. So, I stopped offering unless she was practically asleep, and tried to continue pumping, but that was pretty pointless pretty quickly.  I even tried offering after a few days without, and she couldn't have been bothered to even consider it! It was really a lot harder on me to be done than I had anticipated, and maybe it's because she made the decision for herself. It wasn't something I chose to do when I thought we were both ready. I'm glad she did it herself, because I'm sure it was MUCH easier (physically, at least) that way, but a little part of me stings with the notion that my baby no longer needs me in that very physical way anymore.  I had intended to nurse her until at least her first birthday, but we are pretty darn close and I know that she has benefitted from every day we did nurse.  Still, those pangs of "my baby, where have you gone?" still rise up and bite me more often than I thought they would.  I love every minute of watching her grow, but it's so hard to let go of those things that signify babyhood, too. And in fact, just as I am writing this, I read this post, which tells me I am far from alone with feeling this way, so there's that.

So, that's where we are with sleep.  I'm hoping that things stay stable here for a little while, but I know that there is always going to be something that throws things off just as soon as you strike a rhythm with kids, so I won't get toooo comfortable here just yet ;)

Norah Grows: 11 Months

My Norah-bel, today you are 11 months old. One month shy of one whole year, and I cannot believe that the time has gone so quickly already.  Just last night I worked on a photo album for you from your first 3 months of life, and looking back at all of the pictures made it even more amazing how much you have grown and changed since you were born.  And yet, even in the very first pictures from the moments after you were born, I can see the girl we've come to know so well right there.  Just tinier.

Not so happy to be put in the chair for your photos again this month! This was the best we could do. 

A bit happier if you could sit in front of the chair and play!

Daddy and I have been saying all the time how much fun you are at this age. You are learning something new nearly every single day lately, and you have become so interactive with your world! At 11 months, you are now fully walking by yourself, almost everywhere you want to go.  You can even walk and wave, or hold a toy, or drink out of your sippy cup at the same time! You definitely are not sure what to think about walking around on your own outside yet, and specifically not on the grass.  You clap for yourself when we say "good job" or "yay Norah", and you are a solid pro at the "So Big" game!   And of course, you still love to dance and shake your booty!

You still have so many expressions - this was a serious look! 

The weather has been unseasonably warm and mild for March (highs in the 70s and 80s for the past 2 weeks!) and we have been spending as much time as we can outside. You are noticing birds and ducks flying overhead, and point to things you see when we are out for our walks every day.  Today you tried out a swing for the first time, and oh my goodness did you love it! Everyone was laughing to hear you squealing with joy as you whooshed back and forth in the sun!

You are really starting to communicate with us, both with words and simple signs.  You can say Mama, Daddy, Lainey, Baby, Hi and Bye, and "yuck yuck". You wave hello and goodbye all the time, and you know the sign for "more".  I think once your vocabulary and signing repertoire develops a bit more, you will be so much happier to be able to communicate your needs and wants with us more readily.

Signing "more" to Daddy singing the "Musical Conductor" song

You have a favorite lovey which has remained the same since you picked him out - the giraffe is your "baby" and you love to pick him up and give him pats and hugs.  In fact, almost anything you find that is soft and huggable is a "baby" and receives sweet pats and hugs from you! This week you found the chocolate sauce in the pantry, and even that was a "baby" for a minute!

You have 6 teeth and use them to eat just about everything we put in front of you! You recently discovered edamame and will eat as many as we give you in one sitting! You love raisins (we always watch while you eat them and make sure you are sitting down since they can be a choking risk) and we have to put the box away because as long as it is out where you can see it, you want more more more! You tried some ketchup with your crispy tilapia the other night, and let me tell you I have hardly seen you dig anything as much as that!! You were dipping everything on your tray in that ketchup and saying "mmm" after each bite!  I hope your eating habits continue to be great, but I'm sure at some point you will act like every other kid and only eat mac and cheese and pizza, so we'll enjoy it now while we have it! 

We are getting ready to move you up into the next size car seat, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you like being more upright back there. You still fit in your infant seat according to the specs, but I think overall you will just be happier in the bigger seat. Once I learn how to install it properly, it's going  in! 

 

As I say at the end of every one of these monthly posts, I am more amazed at being your mama every month that goes by, and this one is no exception. You are such a delightful, adorable, sweet little girl, and everyone who spends a few minutes with you notices, too.  You are really fun to be around lately and your Daddy and I just laugh at your antics on a daily basis. You are developing a sense of humor and your personality is growing every day.  We are so very lucky to have had these 11 months with you in our lives, and it's amazing to think that just one month from today will mark the first anniversary of the day that changed both of us forever.  I had better start working on that post already, because I think I will probably have an awful lot of emotion to sort through while thinking about that beautiful, and also very frightening day. You were worth every heart wrenchingly scary moment of the experience that brought you into our lives, my sweet girl, and if I had to do it over exactly the way it happened, I would if it would mean we'd have such a gift in our lives. I can't wait to see what the next month brings for you, Beauty. I love you more every morning I wake up with your sweet face snuggled next to mine. 

Moments of Motherhood

In the past 24 hours, I have welcomed a new badge to my Motherhood Scout vest; holding my baby while she barfed on me, like for real barf, not newborn spitty puke, but the real deal with very obvious evidence of dinner present, down my shirt, in my lap, on my pillow, in my hair, and not once did I actually end up puking myself.  Last night was perhaps our first real initiation to parenthood (if the 10.5 months of not sleeping through the night don't count enough).  Norah woke up in her crib having thrown up with barf in her hair about midnight, requiring a bath and change of jammies, sheets, mattress pad cover, the works. She'd had a terrifically hard time going to sleep, and got herself so worked up that we thought maybe the puke was a delayed episode from swallowing so much air (is that even a theory? I don't know).  We decided to bring her in bed with us, and no sooner did we turn out the lights and she was puking again, this time on my pillow and dangerously close to my face.  Not cool, given that the smell of vomit makes me want to vomit.  Jammie change #2, for Norah and for me. Sheet change for our bed. Great, all set, ready to get back to bed and try to sleep since it is now like 1:30, and lights out...barf. This time we opted to skip new pjs for Norah, I changed again, and we layered blankets and towels between us in the bed for what now appeared would be frequent episodes throughout the night. Poor thing continued to be sick every 20 minutes until about 3:30 am, we all fell asleep, and then she woke up to puke again about 5:00.  It was not our best night, but we all made it through, and she actually seemed reasonably chipper throughout the day today, despite running a low (under 100) fever on and off all day.  Here's hoping the rest of us skip the pukes, and she's back to normal tomorrow.

Given the sense that I had puke germs crawling all over me, it felt great to get out of the house for a few hours for Zumba tonight.  Something about shaking my groove thang to fun music just melts some of the stress of the day away. It was something like 79 degrees today, and with such perfect spring weather (before St. Patrick's Day, in Michigan!) the windows down in my car, music turned up, and singing along to Usher and Rihanna, I felt a bit like a new woman when I got home.

One of the amazing things about motherhood that I find myself aware of in so many instances is how in the span of an hour, I can feel like a young, free, 20 year old cruising in my car with no worries, and then come home to my beautiful family and enjoy nothing more than singing "Return to Pooh Corner" along with Kenny Loggins as my daughter drifts off to sleep in my lap.  I snuggled her extra close tonight, breathing in the smell of her sweet, soft skin, and willing myself to create a sensory memory of that moment.  I don't think I will ever forget the way her baby skin smells after a bath, at least I hope I won't.

Once I relinquished my hold on her for the moment, I was able to squeeze in a few quick sewing projects for a baby shower gift for tomorrow, and there is nothing like feeling accomplished at the end of a day.  Even if the only things I actually accomplished today were 3 loads of pukey laundry, snuggling my sick baby, teaching Zumba, and sewing a few easy items, it feels good to know that this mama is proud of what happened this day.

Picture from Sunday, before being sick.  The camera did not make it out today! 

DIY Crib Railing Cover

Many of my friends with children had warned me about their sweet little ones destroying their beautiful solid wood convertible crib that was supposed to last until they went to college by chewing it to slivers the second their first two teeth escaped their gums.  We were lucky enough to be given a crib in perfect condition from a friend we trusted, and painted it white to suit our nursery.  What I didn't consider was that when my darling offspring started to gnaw on it, the paint would peel off, leaving it looking rather, uh, not cute. 

So I've been meaning for a while to make something to cover the rails of Norah's crib, because all those little rodent teeth have made the painted surface look like this: 

I know there are plastic covers you can buy, but those only fit over the front rail, and by this point the paint is so chipped that I didn't want to be able to see it through a clear plastic cover.  And, that would not solve the problem with the side rails, which she seems to prefer to scrape those little teeth on over the front rail anyway. 

I had leftover fabric from her nursery projects, and decided to make a cover using those.  I don't have step by step photos of the process (late night sewing without anyone else in the house awake to take photos) but the project was really simple for anyone with basic sewing skills.  

First, I measured the length of the long side of the crib to get my desired finished length for the cover.  I added 1/2" seam allowances for each section of fabric.  For the underside, I just used one long piece of microfleece I had lying around in my stash. 

I decided on a pattern I wanted and cut the fabric sections, allowing for 1/2" seams.  I stitched the top pieces together one section at a time, and then repeated for the back side, so I had two strips of fabric.  I joined them with one long seam across the top, so that when it was folded in half the patterns would be facing the right direction on either side.  

Next, I cut about 10" lengths of ribbon for each tie, finished the raw ends by running a lighter over them quickly to seal the ribbon, and pinned them onto right side of the fabric, pointing inwards towards the middle (looks backwards from how you want them to end up facing at this point).  On top of that, I pinned the fleece with the right side facing in, so the ribbons were sandwiched in between, and stitched around the entire thing, leaving a small opening to turn it right side out.  Carefully, since there were still pins inside, I turned it out, removed the pins and then I finished the opening with a small hidden stitch, and that is that! 

You might notice the teeth marks remaining on the end rails...yeah, still need to make two shorter covers for those! 

Progress! Now I just need to hang the curtains, photo collage, and hooks back up and her "new" room will be complete following the move.  It was finally looking so great at my mom's, and then we had to go and move everything into total disarray...it's only been 2 months since we moved, so it's not like I'm totally delinquent with setting her room up again, right?

Norah Grows; 10 Months Old

Darling girl, you are 10 months old today! You started the day with the biggest milestone of your little life, by sleeping through the night in your own crib last night for the first time EVER! You went to sleep at 9:30 last night, which is late for you, but you didn't make a peep until 6:00 this morning! Your Daddy and I couldn't believe it when we looked at the clock and realized you'd been in your own crib all night long! We were so proud of you (and of course both felt so much better rested after a full night's sleep!).  

You have a little winter cold this week, and you are not enjoying having a stuffy nose any more than anyone else does.  But, in between bouts of stuffiness, coughing, and sneezing, you are as amazingly playful and happy as you always are.  It's definitely good news that we've made it to 10 months with nothing more than a cold, and we are so thankful that you haven't yet experienced being really sick. 

You have developed a new face over the past week - we call it the "Stink Face" and the picture above is not even close to the full deal.  We get the "Stink Face" flashed our way any time we tell you "No" or "Stop" or sometimes even if we look at you just wrong.  It's hard not to giggle when you make such a dirty look in such a cute way! You are going to be a stubborn little thing, and we are already aware of a strong independent streak that is developing more every day. 

You are SO active - you love to boogie and dance and kick and wiggle and speed crawl and shake your booty and cruise at top speed - pretty much you like to be moving if you are awake.  These chair photo shoots are getting to be a challenge! But, this month, I noticed that you were much more aware of the edges of the chair, and seemed to know if you went too close you would fall.  That didn't stop you from slinging your leg up over the arms of the chair and flashing me a look a few times! 

You also took a few steps this week - but today were the first you did with intention.  You took 2 steps and 3 steps at a time today, and we celebrated and clapped and then you looked at us like we were crazy people, but we were so proud! Not an hour later, you tried again and bonked the corner of the coffee table, which was bound to happen at some point.  And so it begins...the season of your life in which you will perpetually be giving me a heart attack as you try to conquer new physical feats and inevitably end up getting bumps and bruises (but hopefully that's the extent of the injuries!).  

Your smile is so beautiful, it slays me some days when I am feeling down, and I pick you up and you flash that gorgeous smile at me and throw your arms around me and give me love.  I hope you never lose your perfectly pure sense of glee and happiness - it brings light and joy to our lives every single day and makes the lives of those around you just shine with delight. 

You are starting to have a flair for drama (big surprise) and we are seeing it more and more.  You know how to fake cry (not that it ever gets you what you're trying for, but hey, a girl's got to try, right?) and you can flirt with the best of them.  You can turn it on and off in a second, and you are just so goofy sometimes.  It's just really fun to watch you developing a personality all your own, but we catch glimpses of ourselves in your mannerisms and facial expressions and behaviors, too. 

You are starting to spend more time playing independently, too. You LOVE LOVE LOVE the Brown Bear, Brown Bear books, and will choose them over many others all by yourself.  You are beginning to select toys to play with on your own, and will spend longer than a few seconds playing with a specific item now.  It's one of my favorite things to come into a room and see you looking through the pages of a book without any prompting.  

We have been trying to introduce a "Lovey" to you for a few months, and we have given you many items to choose from but for a long time nothing seemed to hold any particular interest for you.  One night, Matt took you to Nicola's Bookstore and you just picked this giraffe out all by yourself, carried it around the store the whole time, and have barely put it down since! You will pick him up and if you say "Give it some love", you will hug it to your chest and pat its back...so stinking sweet! We went to get a second one, and they didn't have any that were exactly the same, but you picked out a similar bear from the same line.  We'll see over time if these two buddies stick! 

 

You can point at objects that you want now, too.  We have been working on simple baby signs for certain words, and I think now that you are using your hands to communicate some, signing is likely to follow shortly.  I think it will be very nice for you to be able to express what you want in ways other than crying, because I think you are getting frustrated sometimes if we don't know what you want and you clearly do. 

This was a fake cry which started out as a Stink Eye face.  You have lots of teeth in there now, and boy do you like to show them off! The two on either side of the middle on top are finally breaking through the gums, and I think this round has given you some trouble so I hope we're in the clear until the next ones. 

You are truly, positively the brightest light in my life.  You grow more beautiful, charming, funny, challenging, strong willed, and wonderfully perfect every day we know you.  I can't imagine our life now without you in it.  What is even more amazing to me is that in two months, you will have been here with us for an entire year.  We are planning some fun things for your first birthday, but until then, we are just enjoying watching you turn into a delightful little girl.  Keep us smiling, Beauty! 

DIY Valentine's Day leg warmers

Here's a quickie little tutorial for a craft for the little lady this V-day.  I found these knee high women's socks on pre-Valentine's Day clearance (why are they already clearing out the Vday stuff for St. Patrick's Day before the actual date passes?) for $2.99.  I'd been wanting to try and take a stab at making girlie some leg warmers for a while, since brand name Babylegs are at least $10 a pair! 

First step - cut the feet of the socks off right above the heel part, making the cut parallel to the top of the sock. 

Second step-

Set your machine to a tight zigzag stitch (for those of us without fancy sergers or overlock machines, that is).  I set my tension to about a 4 and my stitch length to between 1-2.  Stretch the material slightly and stitch over the raw edge, with one part of the stitch catching the material and the other going off the outer edge. Zigzag all the way around. 

 I used matching thread, but contrasting colors would be fun too! 

Your edges will end up slightly ruffled and girly looking in about 1 minute flat!  (Well, or two minutes if you are like me and get the material stuck in the guides under the presser foot rather than letting the machine do the work...patience, Grasshopper). 

Seriously, one of the fastest and easiest sewing projects I've tackled to date, and I think they turned out super cute! Would make a fun little birthday or shower gift for that special little girl. I'm keeping my eyes peeled at JoAnn's for clearance holiday socks from now on! 

 Pictures of them in action on our little Valentine:

I am not a "finisher"

It turns out that for most people (and by most people I guess I mean I can really only speak for myself, but  whatev) by the time you are approximately 3 decades into this life, patterns of behavior are pretty well established. Personality, temperament, learned associations, classical/operant conditioned responses, however you want to look at it, most of the time we are who we are by a pretty reasonable stage of our adult lives. And something that I know about myself by now is that I love to start things - projects, crafts, recipes, etc.  But, I frequently leave them in partial stages of completion and move on to something more exciting, or just different, before ever finishing what I started. I do this All.The.Time. I have so many crocheted items that aren't finished off, or truly are not even halfway done. I have multiple scrapbooks that have 3 pages completed and a stack of photos waiting for the perfect creative streak to transform them into awesome layouts.  I have bags from Michaels and Joanns full of supplies for DIY gifts I meant to make for Christmas.  3 years worth of Christmases.  I have bags of clothes I once sorted and intended to donate, but never called Purple Heart/drove to Goodwill and got rid of, just hanging around.  Right this moment, I have fabric cut and my sewing machine on the dining room table, where it has been for the last 2 weeks since the day I cut the fabric and realized I didn't have the power cable for my machine.  I picked it up the next day, but still haven't plugged it in.  I have piles on my desk, in my closet, in the basement, etc, of things that are crying out for organization, and sometimes I start with lofty ideals of a scene that goes from something like this:

Not my own closet, but you get the idea

and ends looking like this:  

But before I ever get there I get distracted/overwhelmed/tired/busy and leave it in whatever stage of pre-completion I might have achieved before moving on.  Sometimes that is just the idea of starting it, sometimes it is actually sorting piles, only to shuffle them back into a mess when they never find their new home, sometimes it is actually purchasing some item to help me with said project, but moving on before actually putting it to use. But the problem is, these partially finished projects really do bother me that they aren't complete.  I just can't find a way to harness the free time I do have, which is extremely limited, and prioritize which one to pick up and work on to its end.  

Sometimes I think I have too many varying interests and dreams and things I want to pursue and I get scattered when I try to harness my energy into just one of them for a prolonged period of time.  Sometimes I think I lack willpower to make myself follow through on undesirable tasks (cleaning/organizing/purging) and start up something else that I deem more fun for that moment, but I'm not always committed to following through on that task as I only started it to fill up space for something else I should have been doing. Sometimes, I just get really tired and can't stay awake long enough to finish a project, and by the next time I have free time to work on it, something else has come up with a higher priority status. 

I don't have a resolution to this problem...as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, these are habits that I have spent most of my 28 years and 8 months perfecting.  But I do know that being a slob, being unorganized and perpetually feeling like I'm running late because I can't find what I need to get out the door, having projects I started with love and the intent to give to someone I care about sit in a bag and get dusty, these things bother me.  I love the feeling of having things in their place and ready to go. I love the sense of accomplishment when I finish a project and feel proud to give it to someone I love. I love just don't know how to keep myself motivated to stay in a place where this consistently happens. 

What do my more organized friends and family think?  Any tips/challenges/help for this time challenged, sleep deprived, cluttered mama that would point me in the right direction?